A time for change…

It’s Friday. I am free

Today was bittersweet. i slept in, I got myself organised for work at a leisurely pace and arrived just after 9am. Had a good long chat with Susan (my colleague, now former), read some emails, had my exit interview (MORE LATER), went to lunch with the few people I actually got to know at that place, came back to work, packed up my gear, had a lovely chat with Mario (a colleague who was in a senior position within the company), chatted to a few people on the floor and packed up and left the building. I was home by 4pm It was nice.

Back to the Exit Interview. i met with HR this morning. I know this lady fairly well, she is very approachable and very much the personality you want to see in HR. She asked me a few questions. Stock standard questions, like “Where are you heading to?”, “What is the bigger reason for leaving?” etc etc. I answered all these questions truthfully. Then, it came to my turn.

I explained my situation with a bully boss. A woman who doesn’t cope well with stress, even though we work in an environment which is naturally going to be stressful. She appears to be quite a nice person, if she would let go of the control she is desperately trying to hold on to. She can’t manage her own time, let alone the team of people she has been entrusted to support and manage. She won’t listen to people and therefore, has an inability to communicate or articulate her requirements. Then, when her message is not heard, she cracks it and rants and bullies. She is a liability to the company. She plays favourites with me and my colleague, and obviously, I am not the favourite. She offered my colleague two free dinners with her husband (my colleague’s husband, not my boss’ husband!) and I was offered nothing. She tells my colleague, after a hard week of work to go home for the rest of the day or week, and offers me nothing. The only times I have had days off are those I have enforced myself, the offer has never been extended to me. She’s too emotional and appears to feel unstable in her position.

I offered all of this information to the HR person. I offered it in a professional and mature manner, backing it up with examples of how I have experienced these grievances. You know what she said?

That I was the 5th person from this department to make similar complaints and that all that I had said was not a surprise and I wans’t telling her anything new. She said that each of the people who filled positions with my manager had complained of similar problems. I was both thankful and mad. HR has known about my manager’s antics for years and has not done anything about it. So, I am a little mad and resentful. I mean, i have suffered this woman’s shit, become very insecure and unhappy generally, doubted myself and she tells me she knows this is happening? So, I’m pissed. I mean, I have left a job which paid well! I’m talking pretty good moula for someone like me, I have left two great colleagues who made me laugh my guts up every day and a company which offered nice people and a nice addition to my resume.

I am assured by the HR person that this has to stop and that the CEO of the company will be approached for discussion. She seems to think that they might have to strip my manager of some responsibilities. Great. Anyway, I said my peace and I am hopefully moving onto a new job which offers me less stress, more opportunity for autonomy and responibility and respect. They are an ethical organisation and their people seem so friendly.

For now, I am on holidays. I have a week of relaxation and opportunity to catch up with all the stuff I never got around to with that shitty job. I shall be getting my hair done - yes, BoPeep, i am still considering growing out my hair, so I might just get a decent colour in it to make it look good still. I am getting my tax done, so yay for money!! I get to play with Clio and I shall be cashing in my Angus and Robertson gift voucher, given to me today for my departure present, to purchase the newest Dean Koontz book! yay!

Ok. Time to go. I might publish the other post from the other night. I have probably repeated myself here again, so deal with it.

And the beat goes on…

It’s Hump Day. Hurrah. It’s all coming to an end. The nightmare is fading and I shall wake soon. I love metaphors. If I could roll off a few more, i would, but I lack the inspiration and mental brain power.

Today was pretty ok, as days go. I went to work, I worked, I communed, I ate lunch, I worked some more and I developed another headache. I’m staritng to believe that my job is just bad for my spine and my head. It will be nice to have next week off so I can fix my stupid body before heading back into work. I did manage to walk down to the QV buildings. I was on a mission to Big W to find the latest Dean Koontz, feeling in my bones that he had infact launched another compelling book. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I couldn’t find any new books in his name. It was just too heartbreaking. So, I wandered through the crap. THere was heaps of romance trash there. I mean, I’m all for romance novels and there quite a few legit romance novelists out there, but what I am talking about comes down to two simple and vulgar words - Mills and Boon. I swear, didn’t this stuff die out in the 80s?? I’m not saying Big W is renowned for its huge cache of books, but I swear, this particular store was full of trash. I guess I’m going to have to hit borders on the weekend.

Did I mention that I am watching Oz Idol? I swear, they keep dishing out the crap acts and I aint seeing enough of the good ones. Does showcasing the shit really make good TV? I’m not interested, at least. I am still reserving my judgement about mr Kyle-man. I know he’s a fairly decent guy, when he isn’t trying to be Mr Mean, but I think, right now, he’s trying way too hard to be the bastard. I hope he calms himself down.

Anyways, my dinner has been made and I am mega starving! I know I’ve talked crap again tonight, but sometimes it’s just helpful to talk shit in my blog, and sometimes I end up stumbling onto something interesting (to me), which I feel passionate about. It’s usually something i’ve thought about before, but haven’t made a mental note to actually blog about. I guess it’s a bit like free-writing, or whatever it is they call it.

alright, signing off.

Figment of your imaginations…

No, it wasn’t. There was a post on here last night which I have held over, after a good night’s sleep and some common sense. I will most likely repost it later, when I have moved on and am no longer deemed unprofessional. Ok, so either way, it’s probably unprofessional but my conscience will feel better this way.

Tomorrow is Hump Day, this gladdens my little heart quite a bit. This means, two and a half days left until D Day - Dah Dah Day! *laugh* Time seems to have slowed right down to turtle-speed for me, so forgive me if I seem jittery and impatient.

I was thinking the other day how there are parts of me I miss. No, I haven’t lost them as such, I have changed and I miss some of those elements about me. I miss being quiet and shy sometimes. I have become confident and outgoing within myself, though I do suffer from boughts of anxiety and lack of self confidence.

I miss being thin. Yes, this is a revelation, huh! I miss being free, light and nimble. I have become overweight and heavy-footed. I would like to exercise, but injured my ankle about two months ago and it has never recovered. I would like to play tennis again, but I cannot. I miss lying on my back in bed at night with my hands on my stomach, and feeling a flat surface. My stomach is fat. There is a bulge. I miss the feeling of ribs! I miss feeling my hips.

I miss my long hair. As a legacy of being fat, I cannot have long hair as my face looks chubbier and I look flat. So, I have short hair. I miss the variety of long hair - you can wear it up, down, curl it or whatever. Short hair is very boring and harder to maintain than long hair.

I miss that I was happy for most of the time, that life’s woes and concerns didnt phase me too much. Now, I worry about everything, I get bent out of shape about Glen leaving the heater on, or not cleaning the toilet, or being late for an informal meeting. I wish I was more carefree and relaxed. I stress about everything, I worry about money and the future.

I could spend my life missing everything that I dont have, but used to. I dont, but just lately I have lamented these losses and others. Now, I must go decide what to do about dinner, again.

It’s the final countdown…

No, it’s not the Eye of the Tiger, it’s the final countdown until I finish this crap job, which i have become increasing sick and tired of. Tomorrow is my day. I have my exit interview. The thing is, I am fully aware that exit interviews have a reputation for never going anywhere, for not making any difference. I came from the recruitment industry, I know what happens and what is supposed to happen. However, having said that, i am willing to bet that maybe my exit interview might get back to my manager. So, with this in mind, I have decided to go to town and explain to HR, why I am leaving. And the reasons I am giving are:

• My manager is incompetent and a liability
• My manager can’t manage
• My manager is a pathetic communicator, but fully expects the rest of the world to know what she wants and expects
• My manager panics at the slightest stress
• My manager is disorganised and doesn’t use her time efficiently
• My manager is too emotional
• My manager couldn’t find time to do our Performance Reviews - even though they are well over two months overdue
• My manager is a bully in stressful situations
• My manager passes the buck when things go wrong, because they couldn’t possibly be her fault! (Let me say two words - “IT Dummy” (I will explain later)

Anyways, I’m going to tell HR why I think these things, why I can’t work efficiently because of her stupidity and why the department will never progress because she won’t make time for the improtant things. I’m so totally over her attitude, incompetence and total lack of respect for her staff. And I have a funny feeling that the GM HR might give her this feedback. I have a hunch. So, I have to think long and hard as to what I say, how I say it and how I want it to be interpreted.

Ok, why she isn’t IT savvy.

On Friday, she claimed she had been working on a document which I had been working on. We had a discussion about which document was the right version. I assumed she had saved her document in a different place and I said that because my changes weren’t huge, we could just use her document. It really made no difference to me, I wasn’t interested in getting into a huge discussion about it. I simply didnt care and I was more than put out at being called into a 5pm meeting on a friday evening.

As I was leaving, she saw me going and yelled out, “Did you check what happened to that document?” (I was never asked to check, mind you). So, I said, “Yeh, it’s in the ‘Current’ folder, where I said it was” and I went home. I know she made a face.

On Saturday, I get an email saying that I was working on the wrong document and she had found her document in the ‘Old’ file folder but it was the correct file to be working on and mine was obselete. I was a bit miffed because she acted like it was my fault, but admits her file was in a location it should not have been. So, I wrote back an email and said, “No wonder I couldn’t find it if it was in the old folder! No harm done, it’s all fine.” and I sent it. I get this email saying, “Well, I didn’t put it in there, so how did it get in there?” She was effectively suggesting that I was the one who placed the file in there, so I got my hackles up and said, “I wouldn’t have a clue. I don’t move files, I create new ones”. I heard nothing more back from her, but it is totally like her to be stupid when saving documents and then blame the technology or someone else. Since I had already resigned, I was feeling pretty comfortable and decided it was time I defended myself. You know what happened later that day? She was as nice as pie to me. Which is fine, because for some of the time, she can be nice, but her mood swings are pretty regular.

Her little tyrade and repeat display of incompetence reminded me of exactly why I was leaving. However, it really nailed another decision I was still toying with - I cannot use this stupid woman for a reference. I can’t trust her, she has no ability to really know people and she is so unpredictable. So, I will be asking another manager to act as my referee.

So, am I going to get in trouble for blogging about work?

So, roll on Friday, it’s the final countdown!

Two weeks notice…

Today was one of those days you wish you could put to paper and sell as a comedy film script. I swear, you would have laughed at my dumb luck. I can see myself being played by some nervy woman actress.

You see, this is how my giving notice unfolded. It started last night when reality hit, “Oh crap! I have to give notice! How do I do that? How will she react?!” Then, I tried calm blue oceans relaxation. I think only Dave, Pippa and Ruth know about Calm Blue Oceans and I suspect only Ruth reads my diary. So, laugh Ruth.

Anyway, the CBO didn’t work, so I just slept. Today, I woke up, got myself ready for work in a bungled attempt. In the process, forgot my mobile and my work stockings, so had to wear my scooter boots. That was attractive. Got my phone call from my new employer, who asked me to wait by the fax to receive my letter of offer. I promptly went out to the fax, thinking i could save it from anyone who was nearby. However, there is always a however. My boss, who I view as someone never sending faxes, wanted to send a fax. Low and behold, my fax starts coming through. I snatched it up and tried to hide the huge big logo that came out with my new employer’s name on it and the big letter of offer sign plastered across it! I am still not sure, even now, as to whether she actually saw it.

So, I got my letter of offer, but was kicking myself the entire time, thinking “You freakin’ moron Sam!” All the while, going back to thoughts of yesterday when I had to leave early and walked towards the lift area, only to see her standing out there waiting for the lift. So, I walked past, pretending to be going somewhere else. I got to the somewhere else and thought I had wasted enough time to actually avoid her. I walk towards the lift and there she is! But, this time I think she sees me! So, I panic and walk past again! I go to the toilet, I pee and I come out and the lift lobby is empty. But I am kicking myself because I’m a moron, you see and I probably look like one too!

Ok, I digressed. I gave myself about an hour to calm myself this morning after the letter of offer arrived, so I could think it over and compose my resignation speech. I get up from my desk, walk towards her door and she’s on the phone. I get up about ten times after this and she is still bantering on. Problem is, she seems agitated! Great for me! Perfect! Bravo! I’m about to make her day. Meanwhile, my colleagues who know what I am about to do, are snickering about my misfortunes and making funnies like, “Sam! I’m glad it’s not me!”. Thanks! Finally, after about 45 minutes of my standing up/sitting down exercises, I finally hear her off the phone. I ask for her time and she tells me she keeps getting bad news and she hasn’t had a chance to do any real work, so she is stressed. I launched, “I am about to make your day worse,” and I tell her. Funnily enough, it’s a reasonable conversation. I ask about being let go sooner than the four weeks. She asks me to stay until the end of the current tender - that’s next Tuesday. I offer up the Friday.

So, after panicking about being let go sooner than the four weeks, I get to leave in slightly less than two weeks. Fabbo! My final day is Friday, 29 July. Hurrah I get a week off in between and then I launch into my new job. Incidentally, I have already received two emails from my new colleague and my boss, welcoming me to the company. It feels good. I hope it is good.

I can’t believe I am free.

Anyway, moving on. Say a little prayer for a friend of mine who is going through a rough patch with her partner. They’ve been together for ages and from the sounds of it, it’s not going to continue. If they can’t sort it out, then she’s going to leave and I probably wont see her for ages. I don’t know what to say. It kills me to see a friend in trouble and that I can’t do anything to change it, or make sense to either of them. So, keep some warm fuzzies for my friend. She’s a nice person. Actually, her partner is nice - well, I remember him being nice, I don’t know him at all now. No one deserves to go through a break-up. It makes me cherish what I have with Glen. I have to work harder to make sure he and I live out our lives together.

Money can’t buy me happiness…

Seven-eight months ago, I was frustrated in my job. I loved my boss and a lot of the people I shared office space with, but was frustrated by the lack of support and respect shown to our team, and was sick of hearing the moaning and groanings of my new colleague. Within the space of about a month, I had a new job. I think I have regretted that decision ever since. Not so much regret, but suddenly really re-evaluated my life and the reasons behind wanting to leave. I probably could have ridden it out for a lot longer than I did. In retrospect, my moaning groaning new colleague is now pregnant and leaving in December. If only I knew, if only I pegged her for a mother-type - trust me, no one could have picked that!

Anyways, I jumped ship. It was a fast move for me. Within a week of the first interview, I was offered the job. The speed of this process is largely to blame for my bad decision. I think that if I had more time to process it, I might have had doubts. I didn’t get the time and I jumped ship. That was November. It’s July now and I’ve had enough. Sure, I earn shitloads, more than Glen. But, I am not happy, I dislike my boss and I hate the hours. It’s funny, Glen and I were marvelling on how, when I was at my previous job, how we had more time to go to the movies than we seem to do now and we have more money now.

Alright, cutting to the chase? I attended my second interview tonight, hoping beyond hope that I might get offered a job, hoping I had dazzled them and come across as someone who had integrity, was smart and mature and would be respected for it and not be taken advantage of. I had hoped that it was all formality, that they would talk remuneration with me, discuss when I could leave my current role and welcome me to the company. I had hoped they would tell me how marvellous my references were and how their gut instincts about me from the first interview were completely backed up by my references. This is what I had hoped. You know what they say about hoping for the things you want?

Don’t listen to them. Honestly, they don’t have a friggin clue what they are on about when they tell you that hoping doesn’t get you anywhere.

I GOT THE JOB! They offered me the job!!!

I’m going to earn less than I do currently. About $15K less. But, about $10 more than what I was earning in my previous job, so who cares, right? I think I’ll be happy. It’s a job which is a little easier than my current position, but it allows me the time I need to recuperate, relax and maybe study.

Now, I have to give notice tomorrow. I hate this part. I dont want the confrontation or drama. I really hope she lets me go sooner than the four weeks, cause that sucks big ones.

Whirlwind…

My weekend has been a bloody whirlwind of drama, dilemma and noxiousness - is that a freakin’ word? My weekend has been a bit all over the place. I think the stress of work is getting to me, because I woke up with a friggin’ migraine which ruined my plans for Saturday morning! I surfaced Saturday afternoon and began my weekend. Yayness.

I worked for five hours on work shit. That was joyous. We all know how much I love working on my weekends. Thrilled to bits. Even more thrilled to hear that I’m probably going to Sydney next weekend, but the real kicker is that I havent been told I am expected to go! The joys of a boss who doesnt communicate. You know, i promised myself a long time ago not to whinge or even speak about work and here I am. fuck. I need to be slapped!

Anyways! Tomorrow is the day! Second interview for me, fingers crossed. happy thoughts people, happy thoughts! I’ll try to check in tomorrow evening to let you know. there might not be anything to really say, but you never know.

You know the amusing part, a friend of mine got me to format her resume for her the other day. She applied for a job she had seen. The next morning, I saw another job I thought she would be perfect for. I sent her resume in. She got a call that day and tomorrow, she has an interview too! It would be wicked if she got the job. Even better if I got mine. Lucky Monday.

Anyways, it’s time for sleeps. If I can stop myself from imagining that there’s someone in my backyard. You see, I am sure I heard a sound out there and now I’m too bloody scared to take the dog out there for number ones. I think I would rather her wee inside tonight. Is that so bad? I’m home alone and I’m a fraidy cat. pathetic.

Round Two…

I arrived at work today, wondering when I would hear about the jobs I had applied for and had interviews for already. Funnily enough, I got a phone call from one of the guys I interviewed with last week. It’s the job that I kinda wanted more. It’ll ensure that I can work closer to home and I can study next year. It’s less money than the other - not by much, but at least we’ll be able to live and be comfortable still. So, I’ve got a second interview on Monday afternoon. Unfortunately, I’ve had to make up a bit of an elaborate story to get out of work early. Thankfully, I have a partner in crime who has helped me formulate the right story to get out of work, an hour early. Yes, a mere hour early, but for me, that’s very difficult right now. It sucks. I will be so glad to get the hell out of dodge.

Anyways, I am tired and I have nothing interesting to say!!

Mine eyeball…

A pretty quick update. It would appear my previous post generated a fair bit of comment, for which I am very pleased about! I have to say, I had a great weekend rediscovering my love of hiring movies and watching them back to back. I havent rented movies in ages.

The interview processes I am going through are still occuring. I am pleased to say I have two interesting prospects, which I am holding hope on. Though, I have to say neither inspire me hugely. However, the bigger picture is for me to have the time to study Psychology. So, I need to focus on that. Not that I shy away from long term goals - I have always lived life by the long term. But I think I keep forgetting that this is my objective. I’m just so bloody keen to get the hell out of dodge, if you know what I mean!

Di visited me in May. We had a great time, though we haven’t really spoken about it since, it was awesome. I now feel very compelled to see how the other half lives, so I am planning, or rather hoping that I can make a trip up to Brisbane in September. I’ve planned it for then to give me time to scoop a cheap ticket and to avoid the summer season. I hate summer. Anyway, I hope to meet up with some fellow bloggers and meet the infamous OzBhoy and the haminals which reside with Di and Troy. I’ll keep you posted.

Lastly, we havent slept well recently and last night topped it for me. I had trouble getting Clio to sleep last night, but I think we both finally settled at about 10.30pm - I was knackered before that, so I was thrilled to finally sleep. However, I was greatly put out to be woken abruptly at 2.30am, so I opened my eyes and SLURP! Clio licked me with great gusto! Now, not only was she immensely happy to see me awake, but she was so precise in her slurping, that she licked mine eyeball! Suffice to say, she was promptly put outside, though was disappointed when I didnt follow her out the door.

Tonight, I shall sleep the sleep of the dead and contented. If the dog wakes me, she gets it - right up the wahzoo!

Now, I am waiting for my lovely partner in crime to return from his mission to the eternal fountain of chicken goodness - KFC!

Night night

Million D$llar Baby

I think it’s almost safe to assume that anything Clint Eastwood directs is a certainty to become a hit. My personal favourite has been Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil - maybe largely because it starred two of my favourite actors - John Cusack and Kevin Spacey. But you have to admit, Eastwood really has a thing for directing.

I saw Million Dollar Baby last night, just so awesome. It was a real movie. Ok, so the movie’s been out for ages and I’ve jsut finally got around to viewing it. Sue me! I’ve been busy. I just couldn’t believe how good it was. Totally unexpected.

Anyways, if you thought i was slow, you will probably shake your head in dismay - I expect the first to do this will be Di, but I just finished viewing 28 Days Later. Awesome. I was on tender hooks for most of the way through. It kinda reminded me of Stephen King’s The Stand. The end of the world kind of stuff really appeals to me, I’m such an uplifting, fun person, aren’t I? *laugh* Anyways, I hear they are planning to make 28 Weeks Later in 2007. Did you know Di?? I wonder how good it’s going to be.

We also rented The Secretary. I have never seen it, so hopefully it will make three in a row.

Anyways, in other matters. I’m really relieved to hear most of the people I know in London and those who are known by people i know, are all ok. It’s pretty surreal to hear this kind of thing. I still remember not being able to sleep, and getting up to watch some TV with Glen on the night of September 11. We were watching the news and suddenly, there was the second plane. I guess we become desensitised to it, but you never stop getting shocked by it. It sort of feels like it’s our time to live in fear and I hate that. I really resent it.

After the London train bombing, the next morning, it shit me to know that the Melbourne train companies were putting on more security to our trains, as were Sydney and Perth. For all I know, the other states were doing the same things. It shit me because Glen had to catch a train and for a split moment, I worried about him. It’s not like I dont already worry about not seeing him, some bastard group has to make our lives, which are already vulnerable, even more so. Who really wants that? That just pisses me off that some little twerp over in Iraq, or wherever the fuck they are hiding, can instill that much fear into people like me, who’ve not doing anything to hurt them. Not all of us voted in the punks who rule the governments. And because of our democracy, we can’t get rid of them for years and even then, we’re silly enough to re-elect them. We marched against the war, war marched for those poor people who died in New York and Pennsylvania. When Spain fell victim, we rallied again. Bali happened, it cut us to the core and we protested. Our government didnt listen. What else can we do?

Alright, I’m going to try and let go of this. But I think these morons forget that when we’re faced with a big brick wall in our way, we always find a way around it. This is no different.

Now, I must pick up my carcass and head off to beddybyes!