Enough…

I think I am having a mental breakdown of some kind, but here goes and good luck finding out when the next post will be after this.

Somehow, I seem to have offended a few people this week. Maybe I should shut my trap or something, yeh that’s it. Offering advice has always been my strong point, so it kinda bites, but I’ll get over it. Trust me, don’t ask for my advice, I’ll be honest.

Secondly, I’m fucken pissed at my vet. He asked us to come in when Clio was 6 months old, because he wanted to check her and I thought, he wanted to see if he could do something. So, I took her in today and when he carried on like I was the paranoid mother or something, I asked him why he bothered to tell us to bring her in at 6months, if he knew we’d have to wait until she came into season?! You know what he said? “Oh, did I? Oh, well there’s no reason, you have to be patient, go home and stop thinking about it and come back when she is ready”.

I’ve got news for him, I aint coming back. Every time I go in there, he treats me like I’m a bloody psychotic, paranoid woman or something. Because I fucken enjoy paying $190 for the consultation and the enjoyment of being told Whoops! Fuck you Mr Vet. You’ve just lucked out on an entire lifetime of two cats and 1 dog vet bills.

And if I have to listen to a friend whinge and moan and carry on about the world and how it’s all negative and shit, I’m going to lose it. Doesn’t she realise that people get tired of being around her when she is always negative? And for seconds, I wish she would fucken stop being such a freeloader and offer to pay for things, like the trailer we’re renting this weekend to pick up furniture for us and for her to bring it back to our place to store until she has space for it! She is whinging because I asked for her to bring her car to save us making two trips and therefore wasting fuel. She’s become tighter than a fish’s arse. I’m over it. I’m sick of being the bank. When we go out to shop etc, we ALWAYS take our car, she never offers to take hers.

Fuck it. I’m over and yeh sorry, I dont want any placations. Seriously, I’ll be fine, so spare me right now, because it probably wont help and please dont take that personally, because heaven forbid I offend someone else by telling them to leave me alone. No honestly, I don’t want any emails about this, ok? Thanks.

Finished.

Tragedy…

In my former life, I was a journalist. I got to meet lots of lovely people. I used to work in Coona, so this killed me to read this today. When I heard yesterday about the plane going missing, I had a bad feeling I would know these people.

I interviewed this man for some stories. I knew him to be such a lovely, caring man. I had bosses who were bastards and funnily enough, one of those bastard bosses is quoted in this article. However, that is all in the past for me, so I don’t feel much about that part - I feel a lot more about David and Jill. David and Jill were always nice to me even when others weren’t.

New photos…

Don’t have much to say tonight, I guess I’m bit tired or something. I’ve had a bit of a full on day, so instead of speaking, I direct to you the right of this post - my flickr page - I have added a few new photos, including some new pictures of me with my new haircut.

Let me just say, I’m not entirely sure about the cut. On one hand, it sets me up to grow my hair long, which is what I want. But, it doesnt have the same style the last cut had, so go figure. I’m sure I could style it that way though. The best part about this new hairdresser is they are around the corner from my house and the fact that I got a cut and colour with wash and style for $69!! Other places about 2 minutes up the road are charging about $150 for the same service. Trust me, if you get good service, it doesn’t matter after that.

Now, I finish, relax and collapse. Seriously, I’m tired. Haven’t been sleeping well. Thank god it’s Friday tomorrow.

Terribly unoriginal…

I pinched this from Mark’s page. Copying is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Or something like that. In any case, I dig these kind of ‘getting to know you’ posts, so here goes.

10 years ago - 1995 - At Uni, second year of my fArts degree. Living in college. Loving life, I guess. Really felt like I had direction and was going to be this whizz bang journalist. I had a lot of dreams for myself. I was still shy and quiet, and very unsure of myself.

5 years ago - 2000- Working in Queer Undies. Probably the first journo job for me where I felt comfortable, but I was still lonely. I was starting to get itchy feet and there was this boy named Glen in Melbourne who was great to talk to via internet - never spoken to him on the phone or met him though. Wasn’t interested in him and was trying to set him up with a friend of mine. Hrm, yeh it didn’t work, huh!!

1 year ago - Was very discontent with my job at the recruitment company. Had a fabulous boss and one great colleague in Brisbane, but had inherited a new colleague who I couldn’t work with. At this point, if we’re talking end of September, I had tried for about two months to try and understand her and give her the benefit of the doubt. Was also pissed that my boss didn’t seem to notice the rift forming. Started seriously considering moving jobs.

Yesterday - Working hard at work, feeling on top of things. Was feeling a bit wheezy, like back in June when I apparently had Whooping Cough or some nonsense. Took Clio for her walkies and went to bed feeling a bit spun out from overdosing on the Brycanol, or whatever it is.

Tomorrow - Hopefully won’t wake up with a headache, like I did this morning. Tomorrow, i have two meetings and get to leave a little early to go get my hair cut and coloured. Yay. Hopefully some pampering, as it’s my belief that all hairdressers should pamper, and not just cut and colour.

5 snacks I enjoy - Tim Tams, Gaiety, Connaseuirs Cherry Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Cake and to be politically incorrect, because back when I was a kid, it was called Golliwog Hedgehog! YUM!

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs - Ben Lee (not really a band), Bon Jovi, Van Morrison (maybe), Tori Amos (thank Uni black depressive phase). That’ll do.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000 - Give parts of it to my family and those close to me. Invest some. Buy a nice house and a nice holiday. However, ensure that my future meant I didn’t have to work another paid day in my life!

5 locations I’d like to run away to - Italy (Positano for Margaret), France, Canada, Colorado (Grand Canyon) and Greece.

5 bad habits I have - Biting fingers (nails and all), tensing up when concentrating thus giving myself a head/neck ache, biting my lip until it ulcerates, lack of motivation, being sensitive and jumping feet first.

5 things I like doing - Sleeping, reading, watching tv/movies, photography and watching storms.

5 TV shows I like(d) - House, Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, 4400 and Iron Chef.

5 movies I like - Grosse Point Blank, Say Anything, Anne of Green Gables, The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Office Space.

5 famous people I would like to meet - John Cusack, Julia Roberts, Dalai Lama, Drew Barrymore and I’m going to come back to this one, because it’s important.

5 biggest joys at the moment - Being with Glen, my dog Clio and the way my cats purr and smooch all over me in the mornings or when they want food, my freedom after work, getting a haircut tomorrow and the thunderstorm occurring outside my house right now.

5 favorite toys - My ipod, my palm pilot, my Canon camera, Honey Bear (my childhood bear) and my scanner (this one’s pretty lame).

Living in the past…

The other night I had a crazy, confusing and a little upsetting dream.

I need to protect the innocent here; well, I need to protect myself - that is my first priority.

The dream relates to my high school life and there’s no real conclusion I can draw from this dream, as it doesn’t really relate to my life right now.

Anyway, here goes. We were in church. I remember the church being the Catholic Church I basically grew up in, attending etc. It was the church near my school at the time. However, oddly the church was facing the opposite direction to what it is in reality. When you walked into the front doors, the pews were facing that door - in real life, the pews face away from the door. Nothing huge, but a change for my dream.

Ok, so I was on one side of the church and there were a whole bunch of people on the other side. On my side, my mother sat, but not beside me. And in my dream, Glen was there - sort of, except he was kinda represented by someone from my past, who was a guy I liked whilst in high school. I’ll call him S. Anyway, I couldn’t understand why my partner, who was S in the dream, was sitting on the other side of the church with a whole heap of other people. It hurt me and I couldn’t fathom why he wouldn’t want to be with me. I think I had equated my real life with this relationship, as Glen would always want to be with me, not with other people.

Anyway, on the other side of the church were two influential people from my church when I was a teenager. These people had become married to each other during the period of my time in the church. They were avid Christians and to us at the time, we worshipped and envied them. Some of us wanted to be like them, or at least be accepted by them. Anyway, I will call them K&G. I don’t know why they were in the dream. I do know that other high school friends were there, including a friend I was friends with, but wasn’t overly close to. I shall refer to her as B. She was close friends with D - but D wasn’t in the dream, I don’t think. I don’t even think KG was there - another Christian friend. There was a ‘mass’ of heads on that side of the church and I knew that K&G were in that mass.

Yeh, I know, I am not making that much sense. But that time in my life was a bit emotional and uncertain. My life has become comfortable and certain. I have stability in my relationship and in my life in general and to have this dream, I woke up feeling very unsure of myself. I didn’t like visiting my teenage life in my dreams, against my wishes, so to speak!

I’ve probably wasted 10 precious minutes of your time. I’m sorry. It was just something I needed to document for myself. Substituting S for Glen in my dream was a bit surreal and made me really unhappy. But in my dream, S was Glen and it never occurred to me that S wasn’t Glen and wasn’t meant to be Glen! Argh, it’s doing my head in!

Feels just like I’m walking on broken glass..

Annie Lennox really nailed it, didn’t she? It feels like I’m walking on broken glass. Walking on broken glass!

Hrm.

I came home today, thinking I would walk my dog. Came up the drive way on the scooter and crunch! I ran over glass. It was weird. Got off the bike and realised that Clio had found a box with old drinking glasses wrapped in newspaper. Not amused. Looked over to her bed and saw a complete glass in her bed. The little bugger! So, I cleaned up the glass and that was enough to give me a headache. I started wondering whether she had swallowed any, so I checked her over and it appears she is ok, though you can’t be certain.

Anyway, I got it all cleaned up. I went inside and did a few things. Next thing, my friend came over with her dogs. They had been driving her nuts too, so she had brought them over to give them a nice outing. So, Clio and the dogs, as usual rough-housed and ran around like fools. Clio has a tendency to harass and harass them until they want to kill her. So, my friend and I went inside, because they tend to carry on less. Well, next thing I see is Clio barrelling around. And if anyone knows how puppies run around, they usually move with their arse first. It’s like a big sweeping motion, arse first, head and shoulders kinda follow. Clio swings her big labrador arse around near the back door and CRACK. One of the glass panels in the back door developed a huge hellish crack in it and I about lost my noodle!

Ok, so now the window has heaps of sticky tape keeping it together and a piece of wood covering it with two large pot plants guarding it. I am greatly unimpressed with my big arsed hound. But the key is the theme - it’s Glass Day! And it’s only Monday. I wonder if tomorrow is Fence Day, and maybe Wednesday will be Plant Day!

Seriously, this dog has ensured our backyard is sparse and that everything is stored in the workshop out the back. I could kill her. I would like to hang her. I didn’t mention that last week, our new Fibretek lead which we bought from dog training a while ago, was chewed up beyond use. Today, she got another hold of it and today, it’s in two pieces.

Now, I must log off. I must relax and not think about the broken window out the back and the fact that my dog is el destructo.

Square One…

I know some people are hanging to hear what happened yesterday, so here goes.

We made our offer at the agents and that was both a learning and stressful experience. So much to think about and so many dates to consider. But, we got through it and were told the offer would be made to the vendor this afternoon at 4pm.

We went back to look at the house later in the day and discovered the following:

• A bedroom which had a considerable slope to it - last week, we didn’t get that far into the room, as I recall there were some things, like bikes in the way etc.
• The new driveway was lovely, except for one fact, you couldn’t get the garage doors open, because the driveway was too high for the doors to open over?!
• Three quarters of the fence around the house would need to be replaced - that’s going to be a huge cost to us
• There was a neighbours dog, I suspect a rottweiler who continually barked and barked at us the entire time we were in the back yard and at one point, we wondered if he would bust through the hole in the fence!

There were other small things, but they are the major ones, so I suspect once Glen gets home later today and we have a chat about what to do, we’ll be calling the agent and withdrawing our offer. We went in at our lowest offer and we thought that even that amount was too much for that house.

There will be other houses and to be honest, I’m not that worried. Yesterday when I was inspecting for the second time, I had a huge compulsion to get out of there - I was angry that I had made an offer on a place that wasn’t worth it.

And then to top it off, the agent approached us whilst in the house and tried to tell us there was another offer being made on it on Monday! I told him that was fine, they could do that and we had submitted our only offer. We walked out.

We’ve decided a number of things. We’re going to hold off house hunting until the following occurs:

• We have enough for the deposit - currently, we have enough, but at December/January, we will have a lot more!
• I finish probation in my new job - banks get edgy apparently when you are on probation and dont want to lend you anything!

Also, if we find that we’re without a house to live in, we have a friend who has offered to let us stay for a few months, if need be. And if she can, her parents have a house renting around the corner which they might be able to rent to us for a short time.

So, we’ll cope at this point. I’m glad it’s not going ahead. House buying is stressful and you have to be on your toes a lot.

Now, I am going to finish my breakfast and take my dog to dog training, so she can socialise and be a happy free love puppy

Interesting…

Ethanol

The plot thickens…

Firstly, I want to say thanks to Verbsy and Peeps Sheep for being so nice and offering their support. There were a few others who were so supportive and encouraging about last night’s post, it was sweet.

Secondly, I just wanted to say that Glen and I put an offer in on the house this afternoon, so fingers crossed. We have to go into the real estate agents’ office on Saturday morning to sign off the offer form. So, we’ll see. I reckon the vendor will at least consider the offer, and maybe counter offer.

Anyway, I’m happy now and if it doesn’t happen, then I know I’ve done everything I could have. I’m not one of those people who likes to be told that I can’t do something and although I wallowed in pity over the weekend, I am good now. I spent today hagglign with some loan guys and then talking to our broker friend, so we’re going in the right direction again. For it, I think I have earned some new respect from a few people.

Ok. So, I have dropped some photos on flicker. I might only keep them temporarily, as there aren’t mine - they are someone else’s house. But it gives you an idea why I have been whingeing the last few days.

Bitter pills

There have been many ups and downs this weekend for me. I’m just suffering here a bit, I think. I have a tendency to get my hopes up, to get emotionally involved in the things I love, the things I want.

Glen and I have been house hunting. We basically got the go ahead last week from our friend to start looking at houses. He said we wouldn’t be ready for a while - maybe 4-6 weeks he said. But he said we could look around and just get a feel for it. So, we did. We have narrowed down our search to about 3-4 suburbs. So, we have been concentrating on these suburbs and mostly, we like what we see.

We saw a house on Saturday - it was the first one we saw that day and I am ashamed to admit, I fell in love with it. It was an awesome little 3 bedroom weatherboard, obviously well maintained, someone loved it. The kitchen had been renovated, with lovely blue marbled tiles which spread out into the dining room. The spare toilet/bathroom had a funky clear glass sink - it rocked! It had a lovely deck out the back and huge big yard I hassled Glen all day. I kept bringing it up, we saw other places, but I was comparing them to the first one. I am just hopeless.

So, Glen finally caved. We called our friend. He said go for it, he gave us tips etc. I felt positive about it. Until we sat down and I realised one fucken huge big brick wall - I have only been in my job for 6 weeks. I am told that banks won’t loan money to anyone who hasn’t been in their current job for less than 3 months. So, we have another 6 weeks to wait and this means the house which was severely knocked down in price, will be gone. I’m so heartbroken.

I could totally see us living there. I knew when I walked in, that I could live there. It was how I wanted my house to be and I can’t have it. The only thing we can do is sit and wait, maybe hope that the house is still there - which I severely doubt. Plus, who wants to sit and hope? That’s too much for me now. In fact, Glen and I are laying off looking at houses until closer to my 3 month mark at work.

I’m so pissed off right now. Words can’t describe it. Yeh, I know there’ll be other houses, but if you know me, you know that I don’t shop around and if I do, I usually end back at the place I started at. That’s me, I go with my gut and I never regret such decisions. Going with my gut got me to Melbourne, it got me with Glen and it got us to where we are now, because I knew it was right and I could feel it. I hate waiting, I hate treading water when I know my mind is already made up. It’s just so frustrating and friggin’ annoying.

So, now the next 6 weeks will drag by, I bet you. And you know the crap part that I still haven’t worked out? Is it another 6 weeks, or is it dead on 3 months - like I worked out 12 weeks to be 31 October, but technically 3 months is 8 November. So, which one is it? It’s all stupendously crappy.